I broke down and stepped on the scale. Horror. Disbelief. Worse than I wanted to believe that it could be. So much further to go than anticipated. This struggle is real.
Life is difficult. Life has very difficult lately. I have always used food for comfort and a crutch. Recently, it hasn’t been the food so much as the booze. Beer in particular. I love it and I always have. Since I turned 40 it sticks to me like cling wrap when I’m trying to cover a bowl. I hate this feeling of failure. This feeling that I have taken 10 steps back knowing that most of them have come in the last 9 months.
Everyone deals with stress differently. For whatever reason our bodies drive us to do things we wouldn’t normally do whenever we are feeling depressed or anxious or however it is that’s got us down. I try hard to preach to myself to not get too up or too down but I’ve never been wired like that. I’ve always been the emotional super dooper looper. Meditation has helped to even that out a bit but still, at the end of the day, old habits are very difficult to break. New mindsets are demanding and need relentless care and perseverance.
I debated about whether or not I should write about today. I thought to myself “People are supporting this amazing adventure and why be such a downer? No one wants to hear you bitch about feeling bad.” This is reality though. This is the struggle day in and day where we fight healthy vs destructive behaviors. I know my short falls. I know my losses and how they’ve impacted me. I also know that I need to push through it or I will never be better than this. I have one ask of everyone who reads this. The next time someone you know is struggling just tell them you love them. Those words will go further than you know and remind them that they are more than they think they are at this very moment.